Category Archives: Me Making a Fool Out of Myself

Random Thoughts: Do People Listen to My Phone Conversations?

Ever since I got a pair of headphones with a mic I have been using them to talk on my cellphone. It’s especially helpful in the winter because my hands can stay warm in my coat pocket. However, I can’t help but feel like it makes me look like I’m talking to myself. At least when you hold your phone to your ear or have a Bluetooth piece in people usually make the assumption. I don’t think headphones paint that same image. I sometimes wonder what people think of me and if they listen to my conversations. If I were them, I probably would. This especially popped into my head yesterday when I was on the phone with my best friend Marley.

Marley is my best friend from college. Currently, she is teaching English in Korea and there is a 14 hour time difference between us. That doesn’t stop us from being able to talk. Thank god for the internet. Anyway we have started chatting in the morning before I go to work because our schedules work out. This has lead me to wandering the city, near my office, chatting on the phone with her with my handy dandy headphones.

Yesterday she was chilling at a cafe and it was super loud where she was. Since I’m plugged in, I naturally begin to talk (shout) so that she can hear me. She was also using headphones when talking to me so she could hear me just fine and I really didn’t need to shout. That didn’t stop me though. In my defense the people she was near were also shouting. It was like I had to be louder than them. Then add on the fact that we were also talking about something I was angry and passionate about. I must have shouted through our whole conversation.

When I eventually made my way to my office and my desk, the image of me wandering around the streets of New York shouting just struck me as funny. I swear I must have looked batshit crazy because I’m just shouting things like, “SHE’S AN IDIOT! THIS IS A HORRIBLE IDEA, I CAN’T EVEN! HE’S AN ASSHOLE!” I can’t help but wonder what the people I walked past must have thought of and how out of the ordinary I actually looked. I do live in New York, we are the capital of crazy people. Maybe I’m just an everyday person really or maybe I did actually look batshit. Jokes on them though, because I definitely am a little crazy.

No regrets though. So if you pass someone who is loudly on the phone early in the morning in New York, it might be me.

P.S. I think even without the background noise, I’m super loud on the phone. Not my fault that I naturally am just a loud person. Makes life more interesting.


“What Are You Doing Becky?! STOP!” – Thoughts of a Girl Who Continues to Make a Fool Out of Herself

Alright, I don’t know about you but I have a terrible addiction to embarrassing myself on camera/stage. I love to perform in shows and make videos. It’s one of my favorite things to do. What I don’t love is to watch the playback of these things. Yeah, I know that I’m contradicting myself, but let me try to explain.

When I am doing a show, I pour my whole being out on that stage and leave it there. I’m not thinking about recordings that are being made! As for the videos I make, I don’t have a good excuse. I realize I’m shooting myself in the foot here. In this case the fun of making the video outweighs the embarrassment. I also don’t mind watching myself in these videos because I already knew I was making a fool out of myself when I made them. However, I do get super embarrassed when other people watch them.

What brought this mini rant on? Well, back in November I was in a community Cabaret show. Basically it was a bunch of numbers all shoved into one super long show. It was crazy but super fun. The cast party for that November show was held this past weekend. I know, it’s 2 months after the fact, but the director wanted to host it after all of the holidays. Thoughtful right?

I went to say hello to everyone and to eat the food. It is tradition to watch the video recording of the show at these events. I was excited to see the other numbers I missed when I was not on stage. That being said, I was not looking forward to seeing myself make weird ass faces and doing ridiculous things. I might be too critical of myself, but I’m such a goddamn ham guys. Like seriously, when its time for me to be on stage or in front of the camera I just increase my hamminess factor by 100.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me sometimes.

I was in the most numbers out of everyone in the show. I had a solo, I was in all of the dance numbers and group numbers. Basically there were lots of moments to witness me making a fool out of myself. Watching myself in the dance numbers were by far the worst in terms of what-the-fuck-was-I-doing moments. Seriously, one number we did a lot of poses. I just couldn’t help myself with them and went crazy. There was voguing, lots of pointing, and of course crazy ass faces. I sat there like, “What are you doing Becky? You’re not cool! You think you’re being cool but you’re not! You’re being lame! JUST STOP! NO! WHY?!”

I think anytime I showed my face I was just like why?! Then I proceeded to cringe. I just cannot watch myself. I’d rather not see or know what people thought. It would make life easier. At least when I’m 60 I’ll have lots of material to make fun of myself. God help me.

P.S. On another note, someone I did not know at the cast party (it was open to friends and family of the cast) complemented me on my solo. Definitely made my day.